And before I begin, I’ll say this now…no, Jules Winfield isn’tnumber one.  Start your bally-hoo’ing now, people.  I’m also keeping this exclusive to movies written and directed by him SOLELY.

10:  Vincent Vega, Pulp Fiction.   He meets a nasty end, and yeah, sort of flipped his lid when Mia Wallace OD’s on him, but other than that, he’s almost so cool he’s dead (well, before he gets swiss cheesed).  Might be the heroin.  Gets extra points for being the main speaker in the infamous “little differences” interchange.  Also gets points for challenging Jules on his notion of walking the Earth.  “A bum?”

9: Lance, the drug dealer, Pulp Fiction.   Not much screen time, but Stoltz puts it to good use.  I always get a kick out of his delivery of “Yes, and that’s what I’m going to tell this asshole, right now.”  As well as “are you calling me on a cellular phone?  I don’t know who this is, I’m hanging up…prank caller!  prank caller!”  Like Vincent, loses his cool during the Mia OD, but he’s also decididely more with it than Vincent is, he seems more frustrated and annoyed than anything.

Lance, right before he is about to tell this asshole right now.

Lance, right before he is about to tell this asshole right now.

8:  The Bride, Kill Bill.  Beyond her stupid real name (I groaned so loud in the theater), the flashbacks with Pei Mei, and when Bill hits her with the truth serum, she is one stone faced pissed off woman.  The way she mows down the Crazy 88, how, after being buried alive and escaping still manages to get the best of Elle Driver…winner of the “least likely to be worried about in a dark alley…but you should be” award.

7:  Joe Cabot, Reservoir Dogs.   The “color name scheme scene.”  I rest my case.

6:  Ordell Robbie, Jackie Brown.  Yeah, he didn’t write the character, but he did cast SLJ to play him, that stands for something.  “AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.”  Not a likeable guy, but he pretty much oozes cool.

5: Max Cherry, Jackie Brown.  What a pimp for a sad sack.  That’s all I’m gonna say.

4: Mr. Blonde/Vic Vega, Reservoir Dogs.  Ruthless sociopath, but he does it with style, don’t he?  And if it weren’t for Mr. Blonde, Stuck in The Middle With You would not forever be ruined.

3: Jules Winfield, Pulp Fiction.  OH MY GOD, YOU PUT JULES THIRD??  Yeah, I did, deal.  I know he was the poster boy for cool when Tarantino exploded on the scene with Pulp Fiction, but to be honest, compared to my top two, I feel he’s a bit overrated.  He’s still a bad ass Fonzie, but he does lose points for that goofy miracle crap he pulls.  He sounds cool when talking about it, but when you actually sit back and think about what he’s saying…not so cool anymore.

2:  Winston “The” Wolf, Pulp Fiction.  The barometer of cool.  When he collars Vincent for sassing him…one of my favorite parts of the film (right below “oh, man, I just shot Marvin in the face!”).

Before our number one, an honorable mention should be given to both Mr. White in Reservoir Dogs and Butch Coolidge from Pulp Fiction.  They barely missed my cut, and if I were really gonna put effort, I probably could have three way tied number ten to fit them in.

Numero Uno:

Bill.  The Killed one.  The way his character emerges through the two volumes is beautiful.  The campfire scene is a god damned dissertation in cool.  And from the moment The Bride storms in to his villa to his death, he is nothing but flat out icy chilly cool, talking about their daughters revelation about death, the Superman comparison speech, his explanation as to why he did what he did to The Bride (and you know, every time he stops mid sentence to say “and by the way, letting someone who loves you think you’re dead when you’re not is very cruel” I actually start feeling empathy for the guy).  He even takes that walk to his certain death cool.

He even trains his gun on The Bride cool as a cucumber...plus, the gun itself? Cool.

He even trains his gun on The Bride cool as a cucumber...plus, the gun itself? Cool.

There you have it.  Have fun yelling at my choices.

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